Deep Thoughts About 2016

What if the entire Donald Trump campaign is actually a surreal piece of performance art?

The most honest person on their platform right now is Bernie Sanders. I mean, no one else is as open and honest about the fact that they want to raise your taxes. And rarely does bragging about wanting to raise taxes give you more support…

Can we finally do what we all have been wanting this campaign season? See the Cruz/Kasich/Sanders/Trump/Clinton rap battle.

We originally had an array of well liked, diverse Governors and Senators running. Now we have a Senator no one in Washington likes, a businessman who’s terrible at business, and OHIO remaining. I feel like Ashton Kutcher is about to punk all of us.

I wonder if we can get a candidate to go on the issues about the travesty of dihydrogen monoxide.

Every time I think Hillary Clinton can’t be beat, I remember that she’s Hillary Clinton and no one seems to like her.

The red hats from the Trump campaign are super lame. Unless they have my slogan on it, then I would totally wear it.

Why is this a thing?

Sometimes I wish I didn’t care about the election as much as I do. But, people are wrong and YARBLE GARBLE COMPLAINING!

My decision to support Cobra Commander in 2016 seems more reasonable every day.

I think this primary season was the GOP’s way of asking a number of us to leave.

If only the press would push further to ensure candidates give me their opinion on issues that matter to me most of all, like Star Wars versus Star Trek. Clearly, that will decide my vote.

I have changed my mind, I want a 2016 candidate dance-off. I fully expect Sanders to have some wicked break dance moves.

Speaking of Sanders, how come he has more hair than I do while running for President?

Wait until everyone takes a second look at Dick Cheney?

I thought I would miss the weekly debates we were having with…ahh, no, I’m kidding. I never thought I’d miss debates. They were awful.

John Kasich’s “I’m not like those Washington types” routine was fun when Chris Christie did it. Also, it’s less effective coming from a man who spent 18 years in Washington.

You know who wins at a contested Republican convention? 24 hour news channels.

I keep forgetting Ralph Nader is still a thing, but then he comments on the election and I am reminded that he is.

“Fruit salad of life” may be the greatest expression uttered in a Presidential debate.

This tweet says all that really matters anymore about this primary:


 

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View my original Deep Thoughts here…

About the Author

Matthew Newman
Matthew Newman is a Christian environmental engineer (Professionally licensed in Maryland). He’s also a husband, beard aficionado, Dad of four beautiful children, blogger, and all around geeky guy from Baltimore County. When he’s not chasing his kids or working, he’s probably asleep.

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